Classified ads gone wrong
One can often find what one is looking for in the classified-advertisement section of the local paper … including some hilarious and sometimes even shocking offerings. Here are some classifieds to which the authors (or, to be fair, perhaps the typesetters or transcribers) should have concentrated a tad more.
- Dinner Special — Turkey $2.35; Chicken or Beef $2.25; Children $2.00.
- Christmas tag-sale. Handmade gifts for the hard-to-find person.
- Used Cars: Why go elsewhere to be cheated? Come here first!
- For sale: Antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers
- Get rid of aunts: Zap does the job in 24 hours.
- Mixing bowl set designed to please a cook with round bottom for efficient beating.
- Our experienced Mom will care of your child. Fenced yard, meals and smacks included.
- Wanted: Man to take care of cow that does not smoke or drink.
- Tired of cleaning yourself? Let me do it.
- Wanted: 50 girls for stripping machine operators in factory.
- 3-year-old teacher needed for pre-school. Experience preferred.
- A superb and inexpensive restaurant. Fine food expertly served by waitresses in appetizing forms.
- We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand.
- For Rent: 6-room hated apartment.
- Expert Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up/delivery. Try us once, you’ll never go anywhere again.
- Dog for sale: Eats anything and is fond of children.
- Wanted: Unmarried girls to pick fresh fruit and produce at night.
- For Sale: Eight puppies from a German Shepherd and an Alaskan Hussy.
- Lost: Small apricot poodle. Reward. Neutered. Like one of the family.
- Great Dames for sale.
- For Sale: Three canaries of undermined sex.
- Vacation Special: Have your home exterminated.
- Four-poster bed, 101 years old. Perfect for antique lover.
- Girl wanted to assist magician in cutting-off-head illusion. Blue Cross and salary.
- Have several very old dresses from grandmother in beautiful condition.
- Illiterate? Write today for free help.
- Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel.
- Modular Sofas. Only $299. For rest or fore play.
- Mt. Kilimanjaro, the breathtaking backdrop for the Serena Lodge. Swim in the lovely pool while you drink it all in.
- Our bikinis are exciting. They are simply the tops.
- Man, honest. Will take anything.
- Stock up and save. Limit one.
- Wanted. Widower with school-age children requires person to assume general housekeeping duties. Must be capable of contributing to growth of family.
- We will oil your sewing machine and adjust tension in your home for $1.00.
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